Only one principle will give you courage, that is the principle that no evil lasts forever nor indeed for very long. (Epicurus)
As I embark on a new leg of my journey, with excitement and fear, I remembered this quote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” (Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles)
I hope that this will guide me in the weeks and months to come.
When booking a table for lunch today at one of my favourite restaurants, Mama Loves You, I saw the following quote on their website:
Take chances. Tell the truth. Date someone totally wrong for you. Say no. Spend all your cash. Get to know someone random. Be random. Say I love you. Sing out loud. Laugh at stupid jokes. Cry. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Tell a jerk what you think. Laugh till your stomach hurts. Live life. Regret nothing.
That is what I call “Saying Yes to Life”….
On Friday I submitted my yearly report to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, Department of International Cooperation, which funded my 2012 child rights awareness raising project. Therewith I officially “closed” the year 2012, so it is definitely time to put that year behind me, finish that chapter; it is time to move forward, look ahead and if necessary finish any unfinished business as fast as possible. On my way back to the office, I stopped by at the cathedral, walked in and light a few candles – among them one to say “thank you” and one for a friend abroad.
I then sat down and said a little prayer – a thank you note to “God” for having given me the strength to fight my battle, for having given me my life back, for being alive, for all the support I had by the various people in my life. Sitting on that bench I felt like I was on the brink of a new part of my life. I took a deep breath, grabbed my bag and left. Opening the cathedral door to let myself outside was like stepping into a new world.
I wrote those thoughts by candle light, in my favourite bar, sipping on a strawberry juice, trying to transform my feelings and thoughts into words and put them down on paper. I felt humbled by what I have experienced since October 3rd, 2012 – my cancerversary. I know full well that my journey is not over, but I can see the silver lining on the horizon, I can see that the sun is about to rise again. For a few moments it was like as if I had made it through already. I felt relieved, grateful, and yes happy, but maybe also a bit overwhelmed, and definitely proud of myself for what I have accomplished.